Reflecting

As another year ends and a new one begins,
I think back on years past.
I think of lessons I have learned the hard way.
I think that friends that have been lost.
I think of hearts that have been broken and tears that have been cried.
I think of memories that are beginning to fade.
I think of how much I hate growing up.
I think if I had it my way, I would be a kid forever.
I think of new discoveries I have made.
I think of secrets that have been told and kept.
Bonds that have been made, some broken others sealed for the eternities.
I think of changes. Changes in hearts. Changes in opinions. Changes in me.
When I think of these things, my heart aches.
It aches for the past. It aches for “do-overs” and mistakes to be undone.
It aches to take back spiteful things
done in haste of childish behavior that somehow slipped out.
But the only word coming to my mind is Impossible.
I can’t change my past. I cant unmake the mistakes that were made.
This word ..impossible..doesn’t dull the ache but only makes it grow stronger.
And I find myself asking the age old question “Who am I?”.
But as I ponder this question, a better one comes to mind, “Who do I want to be?”
For, you see, dwelling in the past will only drag you down into a whirlpool of self doubt.
It is not our past actions that determine who you are.
It is only how you choose to live now.
And so as another year end and a new one begins,
I look forward to who I will become as a result of my actions tomorrow.